he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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