I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
