can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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