Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
