There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she smelled like a LAN party
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
