this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
