I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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