I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
