She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
