Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you will always have a special place in my vag
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize