This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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