don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
