wakey wakey hands off snakey
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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