Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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