HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
