don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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