They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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