So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize