If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
