I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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