youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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