He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
