Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We left an ass print on the piano.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
