I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I supernannyed him into submission
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
