just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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