Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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