I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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