batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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