when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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