i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
