thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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