you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
