im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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