I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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