dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
