I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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