please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
