one might say we're banned from that church
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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