Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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