He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
