i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
