i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
