I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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