This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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