U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
