If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
