I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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