Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
