im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
