It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
