It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
