I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
