Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
