Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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