I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Randomize
