3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
