I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
