it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
