Bisexual people are plain selfish.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
