How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
