i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
how drunk are you?
Several
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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