its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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