Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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