All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
