is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
