Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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