He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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