Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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