we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
