Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
