My liver just broke up with me...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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