wat bout pragnant strippers??
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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