If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
this boner is exhausting
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Even my vagina gasped.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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