I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
