kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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