so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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