Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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