I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
