I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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