STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
